Mindset of Success: The Science of Personal Leadership Development

Afraid of Public Speaking? Listen to the Replay of "Death Before the Eulogy and Other Myths of Public Speaking"

Last week I did a fun interview with host Jon Hansen of PI Window on Business on Blog Talk Radio, and other guest, talented comedienne Sally Edwards. We covered a ton of ground on public speaking anxiety and how to be a confident public speaker.

We had a technical difficulty where we couldn't hear each other for 8 minutes. I frequently have technical difficulties when I host interviews or do speaking engagements, and find it quite stressful, so I was relieved that it doesn't just happen to me, and Jon handled it beautifully.

Once we got rolling, we discussed topics such as:

• Why people are afraid of speaking in public and the most common concerns
• Why one person who experiences butterflies is afraid while another is energized
• How to use humor, your personality, and the audience to give a great talk
• The myths about public speaking anxiety and performance, as well as the truths

Go ahead and listen at your convenience and let me know if you have thoughts or questions. Enjoy!

How to Use Support to Develop Powerful Presentation Skills

In helping clients build confidence with sales presentations and overcoming performance anxiety, I have noticed that many of them relate to getting and effectively using support to improve your presentations. We often feel as though we need to tackle everything on our own, and we neglect to take advantage of the support available to us.

 

Public speaking is by nature a social activity and the best way to improve is with the help of others. In addition, most people make the mistake of thinking that because they have prepared and practiced a presentation that they are ready to give it. In reality, the best way to be ready is to practice in front of and involve others.

 

I’ve prepared a list of quick tips for how to use the support of others to improve your speaking skills:

 

Preparation

 

• Ask the meeting planner or whoever coordinates your presentation about the set-up of the room, and who will support you with technology so you don’t need to worry about those things.
• Rehearse in front of some colleagues and friends and ask them for feedback, including what you did well.
• If you feel do better with two people presenting, ask if you can get a co-presenter.
• Collect information about your audience. The more that you know and can help them, the more they will help you during your talk by giving you supportive, positive energy
• Let the key people in your life know that you are embarking on something challenging, and let them know how they can help you reduce stress in other areas of life.

Performance

 

• Make sure your audience is with you by asking questions and getting them involved.
• Assign someone in the audience to help out in case of technical failure or to let you know when you need to wrap up.
• Use other people’s humor. If you’re not great at telling jokes and using humor, tell stories or use cartoons or images that other people have developed. Just make sure it fits your style.

Post-Presentation

 

• Collect detailed feedback, and build your confidence by focusing on what you did well.
• Meet your audience members by announcing that you will stay around after your presentation.
• If you start doing a post-mortem (telling yourself everything you did wrong- this is not helpful) get engaged in a conversation.
• Go out to celebrate with someone you enjoy spending time with. You did something difficult and you deserve a reward!

With the right support from friends, coaches, colleagues, or others, you will find a dramatic increase in your speaking abilities and confidence.

 

 

Listen to This Radio Show on Confident Appearance and Speaking

I was recently interviewed by Paul McLoughlin on the radio show McLoughlin at Work. We discusssed my book The Confident Speaker including recent research on public speaking anxiety, improving public speaking skills, keys to personal charisma, and how to use communication to be a compelling leader.

Paul is an excellent interviewer and we had a great discussion. This particular show is on the impact of presentation. Paul opened by discussing appearance for 10 minutes with the author of Hug Your Customers, and then we delve int our discussion on confident speaking.

Listen to the interview here.

Enjoy!

Larina Kase

Confident Speaking and Some Great Bonuses

Last spring my coauthor Harrison Monarth and I released our book The Confident Speaker published by McGraw-Hill.

Since then we've been thrilled to receive the endorsements and emails about how the book has helped people, and to see our book go onto the New York Times bestseller list.

If you don't yet have a copy and would like one, we're have some great bonuses available for a limited time at www.ConfidentSpeakerBook.com

If you read the book and have a question, please feel free to email me at info@pascoaching.com or post it here. I'd love to receive any thoughts, questions, or comments about confident speaking that you have.

Check the book and bonuses out here: http://www.ConfidentSpeakerBook.com

Take care,

Larina

How to Deliver a Moving Toast (and Beat The Accompanying Speech Anxiety)

The beginning's of spring are noticeable here in Philadelphia. My husband and I moved to a new house and it's exciting to see buds of unknown flowers popping up. I think there will be some daffodils in the front and a couple flowering trees.

Spring begins wedding season and for many, fears of having to give a moving, thoughtful, powerful, funny compelling toast. No pressure, right?!

Whether you have a wedding toast coming up, another type of toast, or any public speaking engagement for that matter, I wanted to share an excellent article in Men's Health U.K that can help you.

My coauthor of The Confident Speaker, Harrison Monarth offers helpful tips on overcoming public speaking anxiety and becoming a motivating speaker.

Enjoy the article and let me know if you have any questions or comments on the fear of public speaking.

Cheers,

Larina Kase

Seven Secrets to Handling a Hostile Audience

Here's one of my articles on Handling a Hostile Audience:

As a speaker there is nothing more stressful than presenting in front of a hostile audience. You may have a heckler or interrogator in the audience. You may speak in front of a skeptical crowd. You may get rude or irritated facial expressions. Here are 7 steps for managing hostility in your crowd.

1.  Have an objective. Having a firm objective for your speech, presentation, or discussion can help you stay on message when the audience is unfriendly. A clearly defined objective is imperative in most formal and informal presentation situations, as it allows you to keep your focus on your points, while quickly recognizing when critics are trying to undermine your position. Particularly in an emotionally charged environment where some audience members may become quite vocal in promoting their opposing views, it is perhaps easy to doubt the truth and value of your own position. But if you are clear on what you want your audience to know, you will be more confident when the skeptics and “grenade rollers” are trying to distract you.

2.  Stay calm. By keeping your own temper in check and responding to hecklers with reasoning and facts instead of emotional outbursts, you are increasing your chances that others in the audience will see you as the more level-headed communicator and may thus be more inclined to give your position fair consideration.

3. Be positive. Having a positive and optimistic attitude differentiates the leaders from the followers. You cannot expect to make a winning impression and convert others to your way of thinking with a negative attitude and demeanor. Showing an audience the possibilities of your vision with passion and enthusiasm will go a long way in convincing them that you’re on to something. All great communicators know that genuine optimism and enthusiasm are irresistible and often contagious. 

4.  Get prepared. Preparation is critical when you are facing an audience that is inclined to dismiss or oppose what you have to say. If you know which of your arguments the audience most likely will reject, you’ll be in a better position to prepare an effective talk that addresses these issues specifically and with sound evidence. Gather as much information as you can about the attitudes, interests, motivations, and problems of your specific audience, in order to get a clear idea about their disposition to your ideas. The more detailed information you have, the better you’ll be able to relate to their unique perspectives and prepare for their opposing views.   

5.  Stick to the facts. Consider the evidence you have collected to bolster your claims. When you’re under the stress of personal attacks, resist the gravitational pull to reach for proverbial straws when making your arguments. Clearly you are on thin ice with this strategy. Stick to the facts, and repeat them often if you have to. But don’t give in to the temptation of using questionable data that you couldn’t verify, and that does not originate from positively reliable sources. Stick to what you can prove beyond reproach when the heat is on as you present your message, otherwise you’ll leave yourself wide open for your critics to jump all over your brittle evidence and shaky argument.

6.Be aware of your body-language. A frequently cited study, conducted by Professor Albert Mehrabian, a researcher at UCLA, found that we get most of our information through nonverbal communication. The language your body speaks is more reliable and telling than anything your words say. Therefore, whenever you find yourself speaking to an audience, you should know that the nonverbal signals you’re sending give them a much clearer idea of what the true meaning of your message is. That’s why, if you yourself have doubts about the credibility of your information or you are not sure if the position you represent will hold up to expert scrutiny, your words and body language will signal incongruence, which a critically thinking audience will immediately sense and draw conclusions from.

   Make frequent level-headed communicator, optimistic attitude, winning impression, and let your physical expressions and vocal tone naturally support your message. By focusing on your conviction and the value of your message, and maintaining a mental connection with the audience as you look them in the eyes, you are showing them that you stand by what you say and that you mean what you say.

7.  Establish common ground. Think about all of what you have in common with your audience. The awareness of important commonalities can be a strong bridge that will support your statements to your listeners. We all share certain universal experiences that connect us as human beings in spite of our many cultural, educational, and socio-economic differences. Particularly in front of an audience that is strongly opposed to your ideas, it is critical that you capitalize on those common human experiences by bringing them up early in your talk. With this strategy, even the most hostile audience can’t help but relate to you on at least some level, and therefore feel less negativity toward you during your talk.

When you can handle a hostile audience, you’ve developed top skills as a public speaker. You are ready to shine in any professional speaking situation. Now all you need to do is get out there and share your message so that audiences can benefit from your ideas.

Improve Your Presentation Skills and Beat the Fear of Public Speaking with the Right Support

Here's one of my articles on dealing with the fear of public speaking...

You might think that getting better at public speaking is all up to you. After all, you’re the one who needs to get up there and talk. In reality, however, if you don’t get assistance, it will be difficult to gain confidence in your public speaking abilities and hone your presentation skills.

Others can offer you a great deal of valuable guidance and support as a speaker. I always say, “Why do alone what you can do with more fun and less effort with others?” I believe this idea holds true for professional speaking.

Preparing and practicing are typically not much fun, but with the right support they can be enjoyable and productive. Performing can be highly nerve-wracking. Relying on others can take away some of the anxiety and stress. And finally if you’re prone to post-presentation self-criticism, look to the feedback of others to evaluate your performance, rather than relying on your harsh self analysis.

Here are some more specific tips for how to get help with the three P’s of power presentations:

Preparation

• Ask the meeting planner or whoever coordinates your presentation about the set-up of the room, and who will support you with technology so you don’t need to worry about those things.
• Rehearse in front of some colleagues and friends and ask them for feedback, including what you did well.
• If you feel do better with two people presenting, ask if you can get a co-presenter.
• Collect information about your audience. The more that you know and can help them, the more they will help you during your talk by giving you supportive, positive energy
• Let the key people in your life know that you are embarking on something challenging, and let them know how they can help you reduce stress in other areas of life.

Performance

• Make sure your audience is with you by asking questions and getting them involved.
• Assign someone in the audience to help out in case of technical failure or to let you know when you need to wrap up.
• Use other people’s humor. If you’re not great at telling jokes and using humor, tell stories or use cartoons or images that other people have developed. Just make sure it fits your style.

Post-Presentation

• Collect detailed feedback, and build your confidence by focusing on what you did well.
• Meet your audience members by announcing that you will stay around after your presentation.
• If you start doing a post-mortem (telling yourself everything you did wrong- this is not helpful) get engaged in a conversation.
• Go out to celebrate with someone you enjoy spending time with. You did something difficult and you deserve a reward!

Getting support can be challenging. It’s often hard to ask for help and rely on others. When, however, you do, you’ll see that it’s definitely worth it. With the right support from friends, coaches, colleagues, or others, you will find a dramatic increase in your speaking abilities and confidence. Enjoy!

Dan Janal's "Cool Book of the Day" Interview with Me

Dan Janal of PR Leads and internet marketing pioneer recently interviewed me about my latest book. You can see the interview here:

6 Signs You’re Not Assertive Enough and What to Do About It

I'd like to share one of my articles with you. If you'd like to reprint it, you may do so in its entirety with the byline at the bottom- enjoy:

6 Signs You’re Not Assertive Enough and What to Do About It

Do you have a sneaking suspicion that you’re not assertive enough? There may be some truth to your fear. If so, we’ll get to the bottom of it and help you develop assertiveness skills. Answer “agree” or “disagree” to these 6 statements to find out if you’re not assertive enough and if becoming more assertive could help you advance your career.

#1: I have a hard time disagreeing with people whose views I think are wrong.

#2: It is difficult for me to say no and I often end up taking on tasks that I don’t want.

#3: Because I am nervous about appearing aggressive I may be too passive in my interactions.

#4: Delegating is not my strong suit, and I frequently do more than my share of the work.

#5: It is tough for me to speak up and share my opinions, especially if they are somewhat controversial.

#6: I know I need to promote myself more at work but I dislike marketing myself.

If you answered “agree” to three or more of these questions or if any of these topics hold you back from career success you are probably not assertive enough. Let’s examine these items and discuss specific steps you can take to improve each of them.

#1 addresses disagreeing with others.

To disagree with someone you risk appearing rude, argumentative, or unlikable. This is why it is easier to be passive and keep quiet. The problem is that you will not get your ideas heard or acted upon, which can limit your effectiveness and status in your organization.

Have you ever experienced that horrible feeling when you don’t say what’s on your mind and someone else does, and then they get accolades for the idea? Don’t allow this to happen. Practice disagreeing with in less high-stakes conversations. When you disagree, do so with poise and objectivity. Simply state your view and the facts supporting it. Once you gain confidence in your ability to communicate disagreement, take some more risks in challenging situations.

#2 addresses saying no.

A classic sign of a lack of assertiveness is the inability to say no. When you are unable to say no, you lose credibility. You communicate that your time is not valuable and therefore that your contributions are less valuable. When on the other hand you show that you know what you do best and what your limitations are, you exude confidence. This doesn’t mean that you should say no to everything except those few things you really want to do. It means that you should prioritize and gain practice stating why you are not the person for select jobs.

When you say no, don’t apologize or over-explain why you are saying no. Take responsibility by using “I’ statements to show where your strengths are best suited. State your reasons clearly and assertively make your request.

#3 addresses the fear of being seen as aggressive.

In my research I’ve found that many people who lack assertiveness are afraid of being seen as aggressive or arrogant. They overcompensate and end up on the passive end of the spectrum. We want you to be assertive, which is in the middle and is very different from being aggressive.

Remember that the majority of the impact of communication is how you say it not what you say. If you project a calm and friendly demeanor it is unlikely that you will be seen as aggressive. Remember also that people interpret you in relation to the image they already have of you. If you are typically friendly and thoughtful people will interpret your behaviors in line with this view.

You can assertively make requests and deliver negative feedback, without being aggressive. When you’re aggressive you disrespect others’ communication by interrupting, demeaning, or criticizing them. When you are assertive you give your opinion and make your request in a way that everyone benefits.

#4 addresses delegating or asking people to do things for you.

When you aren’t assertive enough you’re preoccupied by worrying whether you’re inconveniencing or upsetting others. As a result you do the majority of the work. When you gain experience with delegating you see that people feel good to know that you have faith in their abilities to complete the work.

Another cause of ineffective delegating is thinking that you can do the work better yourself. The assertive action is to train others and give them feedback about how you’d like the work to be completed. Know that doing this may initially be more work for you, but it will pay off in the near future.

#5 addresses expressing your opinions.

When people lack assertiveness, it is difficult for them to share their ideas, especially if they differ from the majority or from an influential person’s opinion. The key to getting yourself to share your ideas is to be clear on what they are and how others could benefit from them.

The best way to work on this assertiveness skills is to share your opinions in increasingly difficult situations. You may begin by expressing your semi-controversial views in a conversation with a friend. Then you express your opinions to your direct reports at work. Then you state a potentially unpopular viewpoint with your boss. And finally you express an outside of the box idea in a board meeting in front of your VP.

#6 addresses the fear of self promotion.

It is difficult for most people to self promote and if you lack assertiveness, it is especially difficult. In order to advance in business people must know who you are and what you’re capable of, and you can’t always rely on others to share this information. It is therefore, critical to gain the assertiveness skill of self promotion.

The first step in self marketing is visibility. Begin by going out of your way to meet various people in your workplace. The next step is to share your ideas to show people what you have to contribute. The final and most important step is to share the results that you have accomplished. When people self promote with vague generalities they are seen as braggarts, but when you point to specific information, you are simply sharing helpful data. The fact that it benefits you makes it a win-win.

As you start to address these six situations and use the tips, you will find that you are outside of your comfort zone. This is a good thing. The key is to take consistent action. Soon you will see not only your assertiveness improve but your reputation and results improve as well.

Larina Kase, PsyD, MBA is a business psychologist and coauthor of The New York Times bestselling book The Confident Speaker. She helps business managers communicate and lead others with confidence and charisma. Learn more about her work at http://www.TheConfidentSpeaker.com

Public Speaking Anxiety Myths Revealed

As you probably know, the fear of public speaking is the #1 fear among adult Americans.

When you are nervous about speaking in public, you are unable to communicate all of the great ideas that you have. Self-promotion is a nightmare, and presentation anxiety is a common occurrence.

Speech phobia can hold you back from moving ahead in your career, so let's look at what causes and cures it.

Public speaking anxiety results from a combination of your beliefs, behaviors, and biology (racing heart, shaking, etc).

Unfortunately many of the beliefs about presentation skills and performance anxiety are untrue. In fact they are the opposite of what's true.

This means that the fear results from believing common public speaking myths. My coauthor and I reveal 12 of these myths in our book The Confident Speaker. I'll share 2 of them here with you in this 3 minute video below (It may look black on your screen-- just hit play to begin).

Once you know the truths, it's up to you to get as much experience speaking as possible (the behavioral component of the formula) and the physical symptoms will begin to disappear.

Thanks for reading- Larina Kase