Mindset of Success: The Science of Personal Leadership Development

How To Assertively Address Conflict and Diffuse Tension

Addressing conflict is one of the more challenging tasks we face in our professional and personal lives. Here are four ways to improve your conflict management skills:

#1: Start When It’s a Molehill, Not a Mountain

Most of us avoid addressing conflicts. At some point, however, we realize that the situation needs to be addressed. Unfortunately at that point, the conflict has escalated and it becomes harder to address. As you know, timing is everything.

Confront clashes when they are small before they spiral out of control. Proactively address the people involved and together brainstorm ways to solve the issue at hand. If you’re feeling nervous about doing this, do it anyway. Several great changes can result: your anxiety decreases, you build confidence and you diffuse the tension.

#2 Be Patient, Listen, and Express Empathy

The most important thing that you want to do is communicate empathy. If someone feels that you do not understand where they are coming from (even if you don’t agree with it), they will get stuck on trying to convince you to see their point of you.

When, however, someone feels that you have expressed accurate empathy and understanding of their point of view, they are more likely to remain open and hear your ideas.

Listening when you vehemently disagree with someone is challenging, but it will definitely pay off, so force yourself to do it. Don’t make assumptions. If you aren’t sure you understand where they’re coming from, ask a clarifying question like, “I hear you saying…Am I interpreting that correctly?”

#3 Use Assertive Communication and Tension Diffusing Skills

After you’ve expressed empathy, you don’t want to follow it up with a statement like, “but you never get your work done in time.” That will negate the empathy.

Avoid saying, “but.” Decrease defensiveness by using assertiveness skills, such as “I” language and not using global terms like “always” and “never” that put people on the defensive. (“I feel stressed out when we get close to a deadline.” rather than “you always get things to me late.”).

Assertively make specific requests for change and let employees know what is expected. Most importantly, don’t be afraid to try these strategies out to see what works in your situation. You’ll probably find that you have a great conflict manager inside you.

Don’t Let Anxiety Lead You Astray

In conducting research for my book The Confident Leader: How the Most Successful People Go from Effective to Exceptional, I found that our natural skills are often masked by anxiety. This means that you likely have the ability to handle conflict well, but when anxiety takes over, you’re likely to overcompensate (people please, become too tough, etc.).

When you’re in a relaxed state of mind, allow yourself to listen, to your trust your intuition about how to handle the discord. It will likely lead you in the right direction and you’ll see that you have an excellent conflict manager inside of you.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0071549889/?tag=thesuccessf0b-20

When To Address Problems and When To Let Them Slide

Conflict Management:
Deciding What to Address and What to Let Go

Do you avoid conflict and tense conversations? If so, you are not alone. Many people feel uncomfortable with conflict and stay away from it. After all, it’s human nature to take the path of least resistance. It’s always easier to do nothing than something, especially if the something is stressful.

Some people take the opposite approach—it makes them uncomfortable to let little things go. They’re perfectionists and have a hard time seeing how some issues are not critical, and how part of being a strategic leader is to let things go.

Which do you do?

The Covered Pot Syndrome

Keeping our frustrations to ourselves can create a covered pot syndrome: Your feelings are like boiling water in a covered pot, boiling over at the time we least want them to.

Our avoidance can let the conflict go to the point that it is much more difficult to manage. Pair that with your frustration (the boiling over) and you have a recipe for disaster.

As a confident leader in all your life roles (in your job or business, as a parent, as a sibling or neighbor, etc), the goal is to address situations that need to be addressed even if they are uncomfortable.

The Boy Who Cried Wolf Syndrome

At times it can be a smart strategy to let things go. If you address everything no one will take you seriously. They’ll think you’re a nitpicker and tune you out. As a leader, you need to show people that you can prioritize.

So, how do you decide when to address conflict and when to let it slide? Here are few things to consider:

5 Steps to Becoming the CEO of Your Career

Do you want to earn more, work less, and find greater enjoyment in your job or business?

Are you stressed out or burned out and ready to get into the driver’s seat of your career

If so, I’d love to help you. Here is a five-step program to help you take your career where you want it to go. aAs the CEO, you’ll be in charge, and you’ll create the profitable career you really want. Before we get started on the journey, answer this question:

What are some important characteristics or qualities of effective CEOs?

 
Here are some of my answers to this question:

• They have a solid vision and plan for their company
• The have specific short-term goals to attain long-term objectives
• They understand the strategic positioning of their company in the marketplace
• They are inspirational, proactive, action-oriented leaders

Here’s how you can create these qualities of effective CEOs.

Step 1: Create a Solid Vision

As a CEO has a strong vision for where the company is headed, you need to have a vision for your career. This vision will guide decision making, inspire and motivate you, and keep you going in the right direction.

The most powerful vision will be motivated by what’s important to you. When your vision is built upon your values, it’s more likely to be achieved. You’ll feel like you’re on a mission

Exercise: Brainstorm your core career values. These are things like, “Achieve balance to have time for family, “Earn a lucrative income,” and “Have room for continuous learning and growth.” Come up with values and rank-order them. Then use them to create a vision for yourself.

Step 2: Have a Solid Plan: Short Term and Long Term Goals

Goals are great if you make the right ones. Make all your goals SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timed.

Create your shorter-term goals for 1 year and 2-5 years. Then create your longer-term goals for 5-10, 10-20, 20+ years.

Make sure that your goals are driven by your vision and career values. Once you have your goals, it’s time to brainstorm creative ways to make them happen.

Exercise: Write down all your career goals- don’t forget to put them in the SMART format. Then divide them into categories: Short-term (1-5 years), medium term (5-7 years) and long-term (7+ years)

Step 3: Strategic Positioning

For a company to be successful, the CEO must have a clear understanding of where the company’s market values lies in comparison to competitors. What’s your market value? Do you know? If not, ask people, “How do you think I contribute to this company?” Look at your performance evaluations and find your key strengths.

As CEO of your career, do a SWOT analysis on your own competitive position in the marketplace. Analyze your Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats.

Exercise: List your Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats in comparison to your peers, colleagues, and coworkers. Once you know your strengths and opportunities, start promoting and marketing yourself and achieve the goals you described in step 2.

Step 4: Bottom Line Profits and Success

Carefully review whether your career is currently in a deficit or creating profit for you. Use your vision and values to make this determination. Remember that profit includes money but also things like time, happiness, and significance.

What you are getting out of your career and what you are putting into it?

Do the liabilities and losses outweigh the assets and profits? If so, you’ll need to take action (see step #5).

Exercise: Create a P & L (profit and loss) statement. Determine exactly where you’re benefiting (profits) and where you aren’t achieving what you want (losses).

Step 5: Be Daring and Take Action

Now that you know your strengths and weaknesses, you can take positive action!

Address your weaknesses by requesting additional trainings, partnering with a colleague, speaking with more people who you can learn from, hiring a consultant or coach, and gaining confidence by pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone.

Address your strengths by celebrating your successes, recognizing opportunities for advancement, requesting a promotion or salary raise, mentoring others, or starting your own company.

And don’t forget about the P & L statement. Be proactive and turn your losses into profits. For example, if your “loss” is that you work too much and aren’t earning enough, look for ways to delegate, become more focused and less distracted, and get organized so you get your work done more quickly.

Exercise: Create one action step for your strengths and opportunities, one for your weaknesses and threats, one for your profits (to build on what you’re doing right), and one to turn losses into profits. Make sure that all action steps are in line with your values, vision, strategy and goals.

Follow these five steps and you’re sure to have the mindset, confidence, strategy, and action to be the CEO of your career. Enjoy the profits and rewards you create for yourself and others!

The 5 P's to Powerful Presence

Presence is a hard thing to define—it’s something that is felt rather than thought. Imagine someone with incredible presence entering the room… She automatically takes up space and commands attention. Her presence is magnetic, drawing others to her. She holds herself with grace and poise. She is clearly a confident leader in all she does.

Your presence communicates “I have something valuable to add here. If you’re wise, you’ll look at me and listen.” Presence is similar to charisma. The slight difference is that presence conveys authority and intelligence. A trendy Hollywood actor may have great charm and charisma, but lacks the presence of the classic Oscar-winning actors who are charismatic but also convey credibility and power.

Everyone can achieve a powerful presence. While research shows that certain characteristics (such as being tall and physically fit) automatically enhance presence, you can have a wonderful presence no matter what your natural attributes are.

Here I’ll share with you my 5 P’s to creating your powerful presence.

#1: Posture
Nothing instantly shows your authority as well as standing and taking up all the space in the room you deserve. Good posture is more than standing tall. It’s also about keeping your shoulders back, neck stretched, chin slightly tilted up, pelvis slightly tilted down, and feet firmly planted on the ground with your weight back in your heels.

If you’re unsure where your perfect posture is, consult a physical therapist or personal trainer. If you’re like most of us who sit hunched over at a computer all day, your posture is less than ideal.

#2: Poise
Poise is grace under pressure. Unfortunately many people are never able to exhibit poise because they are too afraid of failing. You may think that to have presence and convey authority, you need to be perfect and professional. The problem with this approach is that you may be too careful, thereby limiting your natural charisma, and preventing yourself from making mistakes.

You need to face the fire to convey your poise. Bring on challenges. Confront difficult situations and people. Show that you care but also stay calm and hold your ground. Your poise will shine through.

#3: Polish
A polished appearance is key to your presence. A disheveled appearance, wrinkled clothes, mismatched colors, and an out-of-date look greatly undermine your authority.

People who present themselves attractively are better able to influence others and command respect. If you don’t know what colors, fits, and fabrics look best on you, check with an image consultant or go to a high-end department store or boutique where they will measure and fit you.

#4: Projection
Project your voice with the right volume and pitch. Show that you have something valuable to say by speaking clearly and loudly. If you are a natural mumbler and soft-speaker, practice articulation by recording yourself speaking.

Know your natural voice. If you speak too loudly, have a scratchy throat, or have a very high-pitched voice, your voice may grate on people, so it’s worth working on. Projection comes from your mind as much as your vocal cords- have confidence in what you say, and you’ll naturally project.

#5: Pay Attention
Ninety percent of your attention should be on the person you’re speaking with, and 10% should be on yourself. You want to pay attention to yourself to be aware of your posture (keep it open) and facial expression (relaxed and warm).

When you pay attention to others, you enhance your charisma and personal magnetism. We like those who like us. Genuinely convey your interest in others and you’ll enhance your likeability, personal power and presence. You’ll be better able to communicate your ideas, positively influence others, and make a real difference.

As you practice these 5 P’s to your powerful presence, you’ll find that they are not difficult. They should be natural extensions of you—if you’re trying too hard and forcing it, you will get the opposite effect…You may be seen as arrogant or insecure. To practice, simply keep one or a couple of the P’s in the back of your mind—you don’t need to try to do them. When in doubt, simply use empathy and focus on others, and you can’t go wrong.

The Confident Leader Book Trailer

The Confident Leader from Mortal Enemy on Vimeo.

Here's a 2-minute book trailer for my new book The Confident Leader. Like it? Would love to hear your thoughts...

Cheers,

Larina Kase

Announcing Book Launch!

Five years ago I met with a colleague over lunch and told him about some studies on control, stress, and confidence, and how I wanted to compile them into a new book. He thought it was fascinating and encouraged me to go for it.

During these five years, the concept has evolved and eventually morphed into my new book, now out, The Confident Leader: How the Most Successful People Go from Effective to Exceptional. It’s about being the leader in your own life and career, and building confidence by taking on key challenges and pushing your limits.

My experience with bringing this book to fruition definitely pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I encountered editors and publishers who questioned my ideas (but more, my track record of selling books- even though my last book was a New York Times bestseller- It’s frustrating how books seem to be selected more on marketing potential than content, but that’s another story!).

I consistently confronted my own impatience. It took over three years to complete the proposal and another couple years to write the book. My patience grew as a result.

Of course I experienced a great deal of rejection along the way, which is never comfortable, but there were many lessons to be learned. I feel fortunate for the process and believe I’ve grown as a writer, coach, and person. It also gave me an experience to personally test everything I’d written and find out that it works J

Every day we’re confronted with opportunities to grow, tough decisions that we struggle with, and changes we know we need to make. The Confident Leader provides you with a systematic, research-based, 6-part GROWTH process to help you:

·         Select the right challenges to go after

·         Know when your discomfort with the change is your intuition (and you should stop) or simply part of the process (and you should continue)

·         Determine the right timing and support structure to effectively make your change

·         Save valuable time and energy by easily making difficult decisions

·         Convert the anxiety that arises with moving outside of your comfort zone into positive energy

·         Build confidence by leveraging your natural strengths and not overcompensating for perceived weaknesses

Then, in part II of The Confident Leader, you’ll learn how to apply the ideas to common challenges we all face. Things like:

·         Staying motivated, energized, and focused on what’s important (and helping others to do the same).

·         Achieving visibility, standing out, and marketing yourself or your business (when you’d rather stick with what’s easy or blend in).

·         Dealing with difficult people who push you beyond your comfort zone (and handling confrontations and conflict with grace and ease).

·         Getting yourself to do the things you don’t want to (but know that you need to).

·         Leading change, innovation, and making a real difference (for a true sense of fulfillment, meaning, and legacy).

I hope that you’ll read this book. It’s been a challenge for me to get it out into the world, but it’s definitely worth it.

Most important, you’ll surprise yourself with all that you’re able to achieve, feel that you can take on anything, and serve as a powerful role model of all of this for your children, colleagues, and community members.

Have a look at the book and the telesummit I put together for those who get the book today:

http://www.ConfidentLeaderBook.com

Thanks for your interest and support!

Career Development: How to Be The CEO of Your Career

I'd like to share a career development article I recently completed based on a workshop that I give to organizations. It's about how to approach your career as a Chief Excutive Officer (CEO) approaches his or her corporate growth strategy. My goal is to help you be proactive and be the leader in your own career. Enjoy the article and let me know what you think! Larina Kase

How to BE the CEO of Your Career

                                 

By Larina Kase, Psy.D., M.B.A.

Are you tired of playing by everyone else’s rules?

Are you stressed out or burned out and ready to get in the driver’s seat of your career?

Do you want to earn more, work less, and find greater enjoyment in your job or business?

If so, I’d love to help you. Here is a five-step program to help you take your career where you want it to go. As the CEO, you’ll be in charge, and you’ll create the profitable career you really want. Before we get started on the journey, answer this question:

What are some important characteristics or qualities of effective CEOs?

Here are some of my answers to this question:

• They have a solid vision and plan for their company
• The have specific goals and continously focus on leadership development
• They understand the strategic positioning of their company in the marketplace
• They have clear knowledge of what changes need to be implemented to create greater profit
• They are inspirational, proactive, action-oriented leaders

Here’s how you can create these qualities of effective CEOs.

Step 1: Create a Solid vision

A CEO has a strong vision for where the company is trying to go, and you need to have a vision for your career. This vision will guide decision making, inspire and motivate you, and keep you heading in the right direction.

The most powerful vision will be motivated by what’s important to you. When your vision is built upon your values, it’s more likely to be achieved. You’ll be inspired and feel like you’re on a mission.

Exercise: Brainstorm your core career values. These are things like, “Achieve balance to have time for family, “Earn a lucrative income,” and “Have room for continuous learning and growth.” Come up with a list of 10 values and then rank-order them so you know your values. Then use them to create a vision for yourself.

Step 2: Have a Solid Plan: Short Term and Long Term Goals

Goals are great if you make the right ones. Make all your goals SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timed.

Create your shorter-term goals for 1 year and 2-5 years. Then create your longer-term goals for 5-10, 10-20, 20+ years.

Make sure that your goals are driven by your vision and career values. Once you have your goals, it’s time to brainstorm creative ways to make them happen.

Exercise: Write down all your career goals- don’t forget to put them in the SMART format. Then divide them into categories: Short-term (1-5 years), medium term (5-7 years) and long-term (7+ years)

Step 3: Strategic Positioning

For a company to be successful, the CEO must have a clear understanding of where the company’s market values lies in comparison to competitors. What’s your market value? Do you know? If not, ask people, “How do you think I contribute to this company?” Look at your performance evaluations and find your key strengths.

As CEO of your career, do a SWOT analysis on your own competitive position in the marketplace. Analyze your Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats.

Exercise: List your Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats in comparison to your peers, colleagues, and coworkers. Once you know your strengths and opportunities, start promoting and marketing yourself and achieve the goals you described in step 2.

Step 4: Bottom Line Profits and Success

Carefully review whether your career is currently in a deficit or creating profit for you. Use your vision and values to make this determination. Remember that profit includes money but also things like time, happiness, and significance.

What you are getting out of your career and what you are putting into it?

Do the liabilities and losses outweigh the assets and profits?  If so, you’ll need to take action (see step #5).

Exercise: Create a P & L (profit and loss) statement. Determine exactly where you’re benefiting (profits) and where you aren’t achieving what you want (losses).

Step 5: Be Daring and Take action

Now that you know your strengths and weaknesses, you can take positive action!

Address your weaknesses by requesting additional trainings, partnering with a colleague who has expertise in that area, getting away from your desk and speaking to more people who you can learn from, hiring a consultant or coach, or gaining more confidence by pushing yourself to do things that feel risky but can have great rewards.

Address your strengths by celebrating your successes, recognizing opportunities for advancement in your company, requesting a promotion or salary raise, mentoring others, or going out on your own and starting your own company.

Address your P & L statement by being proactive and turning your losses into profits. For example, if your “loss” is that you work too much and aren’t earning enough, look for ways to delegate, become more focused and less distracted, and get organized so you get your work done more quickly. Drop the activities that are not clearly profit-producing.

Exercise: Create one action step for your strengths and opportunities, one for your weaknesses and threats, one for your profits (to build on what you’re doing right), and one to turn losses into profits. Make sure that all action steps are in line with your values, vision, strategy and goals.

Follow these five steps and you’re sure to have the mindset, confidence, strategy, and action to be the CEO of your career. Enjoy the profits and rewards you create for yourself and others!