Mindset of Success: The Science of Personal Leadership Development

Today (7/10/08) Is International Happiness Day!

My friends and colleagues Eva Gregory and Jeanna Gabellini recently let me know that they're the U.S. Ambassadors for International Happiness Day!

What is it? Have a look here.

There's a great presentation at the bottom of the page that teaches about positive psychology, how happpiness relates to business success, achieving flow, and how the internet creates happiness through connection and relatedness.

Check out the site and happy happiness day!

Cheers,

Larina Kase

How to have a happy, stress-free new year

Hi there~

It's New Year's Eve, and we're on the brink of an exciting new year! To help you get off to the start you want and achieve all those resolutions, I'd like to share with you an article (below) from my Control Stress-Achieve Success newsletter. Have a safe, prosperous, and happy New Year!

Cheers! Larina Kase

Happy New Year!

How to Beat Stress and Anxiety and Boost Mood

We all now how wonderful it feels to be in a great mood and how horrible it feels to be anxious and stressed out. What isn’t clear is exactly what to do about it. This article will give you some specific pointers that have been proven in research.

Your mood results from a combination of three things: your thoughts, your actions, and your biology (a combination of your genes which you can’t do much about plus your sleep, nutrition, and many other things you can do a lot about).

Here are 12 simple ways to improve your mood and put an end to anxiety and stress:

1) Sleep better by showering 90 minutes before bed. When you take a warm shower your body temperature rises which wakes you up (this is why it’s better to shower in the morning before bed and why you feel so refreshed right after a shower, but that lively feeling wears off). When your starts to fall (in 90 minutes), you become sleepy.

2) Stay calm by staying off sugar. You know what sugar does to your waistline, but did you know the impact that it has on your mood? When you're on a sugar rollercoaster, you're on an emotional rollercoaster too. To get off, eliminate sugar and increase protein and fiber.

3) End tunnel vision and see the big picture. When you get anxious, you become focused on the small details (and not the nice, calming ones, the catastrophic ones). Look at the big picture to keep things in perspective.

4) Think in grays. Anxious thinking is characterized by black and white thinking ("Either I'm a powerful Superman type or I'm a mess.") When you see the grays, you see possibilities and feel much better.

5) Thank yourself or someone else. Expressing gratitude improves mood. Gratitude has been extensively studied by Dr. Martin Seligman who’s considered the father of positive psychology and is at the University of Pennsylvania, where I was formerly on faculty. The studies show that a gratitude visit is beneficial in reducing depression and increasing optimism. Write a letter of recognition to someone and hand deliver it to them.

6) Focus on the things you want. When you focus on what you what you want (rather than what's driving you nuts), you get more of what you want (and less of what's driving you nuts).

7) End urgency addiction. Things pop up all day which feel urgent and spike anxiety ("I need to do that now and I don't have time!"). Ask yourself, "Is it really that important and urgent?" You’ll probably see that it is not and that you can continue focusing on the task at hand.

8) Deal with those people who can't stand...by having empathy. Realize that most people have good intentions and aren't trying to drive you crazy. When you empathize with them, you become on their side and can better deal with them.

9) Take on the tough things. When you challenge yourself, you may initially become more anxious, but over time you will not only feel less anxious, you will have a great sense of pride and success in what you’ve accomplished.

10) Juggle less and accomplish more. Constantly switching gears between tasks burns energy and reduces efficiency. Instead, focus on only one major thing (or a couple mindless activities) and boost your productivity.

11) De-caffienate yourself. Caffeine produces physical symptoms that mimic anxiety and can actually turn into anxiety. Reduce caffeine, especially before important or intimidating situations.

12) Take note of accomplishments. Anxiety and stress are caused by overestimating our problems and underestimating our ability to cope. By focusing on your accomplishments and ability to cope with difficult situations, you'll end stress and anxiety.

Put these strategies to work and have a great 2008!

A "holiday survive and thrive" recording on family relationships and holiday stress

Here's is an audio created by some wonderful couples coaches on how to survive and thrive during the holidays, including things like:

• How to deal with "almost crazy" people in your family
• How to make sure you have a great time and don't get caught in reactions
• How to take care of yourself in order to feel good even in tense situations with the family

I haven't listened yet (in the final weeks of finishing up my new book- talk about stress during the holidays!), but my colleagues assure me that there's nothing for sale and nothing pitched in this audio and I can share it as an entirely free resource for you:

http://www.couplescoach.com/holidays.html

Enjoy!

Larina Kase

How Gratitude and Happiness Are Linked

It's the end of the Thanksgiving weekend here in the U.S. and thanks and giving are on my mind. I'll share a few ways that gratitude can increase happiness and reduce depression. These results were found in a study by Dr. Martin Seligman and colleagues Steen, Park, and Peterson. They recruited participants on-line and assigned 6 positive psychology interventions.

Three of these interventions were shown to have long-term effects on happiness and depression-- the first 2 I'll describe reduced depressive symptoms and boosted happiness for 6 months and the third showed positive changes for 1 month.

The first is using your signature strengths in new ways. Participants in this study took a strengths-finder assessment and then worked on using their strengths in a new way each day for a week. Just one week of doing this led to 6 months of mood improvements!

The second is writing down 3 things that went well and why each day for a week. Again, just one week of doing this led to 6 months of increased happiness.

And finally, conducting a gratitude visit can boost mood for a full month. The way to do this is to write and personally deliver a letter of appreciation to someone you have not yet appropriately thanked.

It's incredible how such simple things can create such big results.

With gratitude for your interest,

Larina Kase

Clarity in Chaos

You may have noticed my absence from blogging over the past week. It's good to be back.

The reason for my time offline is a that my family recently experienced a loss. It was unexpected and it was confusing because it raised many different feelings.

As a psychologist I found myself experiencing a need to sort everything out. I figured that this need for clarity and certainty was because of my training as a psychologist but I realized that it is a true human need.

During times of chaos and confusion, we seek to find answers, stories, and solutions. We want to put all the puzzle pieces together and have everything make sense.

This can be a great thing. We learn lessons. We find take-away points. We wrap everything up into a nice package and put it away.

But this isn't always possible.

Sometimes the best thing that we can do for ourselves is to accept uncertainty.

The clarity in chaos is: acknowledge that we may not know everything-- not now, or not ever, and that's okay. All we can do is the best with what we know and focus on where we want our relationships and lives to go...

Thanks for reading,

Larina Kase

 

What's the Secret to a Great Relationship?

One book on my summer reading list is: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. It's a classic on relationships based on Gottman's extensive work with couples. Gottman says that he and his team can figure out whether or not a couple will stay together within 60 seconds to a high degree of accuracy.

The secret?

This will come as no surprise-- it's all about couples communication. When couples turn toward each other (rather than turn away), their relationship stands a great chance. This means that you acknowledge each other's viewpoints and keep connected.

For example, if you read the morning paper together- Do you read in silence and then go about your separate ways or do you make some comments to one another? Small comments combined with an acknowledgment of the comment (such as a nod, reply, smile) count as "turning towards" one another.

My friend, relationship expert Max Vogt, author of You Don't Have to Change Who You Are to Have a Great Marriage says that the key to a great marriage is what you focus on. (Yes, this is consistent with The Secret). You might already have the marriage you want-- Are you paying attention to it or to all the daily problems that come up?

It is tempting to over-analyze your relationship, but remember that communication is a pattern, so don't make too much out of isolated incidents. I think the 80/20 rule that we use in many areas of business also applies to relationships. If 80% is what you want, focus on that rather than the inevitable 20% of what you don't want (assuming, of course, that the 20% is not abusive or otherwise unacceptable). This helps us to stay focused on the big picture.

It's a beautiful summer Sunday here in Philadelphia- a great day for reading- so I'm going to finish Gottman's book and move on to some others... I hope you're enjoying your Sunday too!

Cheers,

Larina Kase

What's a gratitude party?

The other day my colleague Dr. Jeff Kaplan told me that he recently hosted a gratitude party. I love this idea and wanted to share it with you.

He invited around 25 people who have provided mentorship and have been influential and helpful in his life and career. They celebrated together at a catered party, and Jeff gave small tokens of his appreciation along with a public acknowledgment.

Isn't this great and so much fun?! You can do it for anything-- for those who've been a part of your child's education; for those who have been wonderful bosses or colleagues to you (this would be great networking for everyone too); for those who have mentored you...

I believe that a focus on what we appreciate every day is the secret to happiness. Each night I go through what and who I am thankful for. I sometimes don't list everything and everyone but focus on getting a moment filled with the feeling of gratitude.

The challenge, I find, is living in daily gratitude when things aren't going your way. It's easy to celebrate your wins, and this is very important, but real growth comes when you also have appreciation during trying times. It's so easy to get into blaming others and feeling down during these times, and gratitude can help reverse these unhelpful things.

If you aren't ready or able to have a real-life gratitude party, you can have one in your imagination. Picture all the things and people you're thankful for. You can also use technology to host your party-- via teleconference or web-cast. And don't forget about the good ol' postal service to send cards and appreciation tokens.

What are you thankful for?

How will you focus on it and/or show it?

Cheers,

Larina Kase

P.S. I'm thankful for you for reading my blog! :) And I'm thankful to those who've posted comments. It's a funny thing to send your thoughts off into cyberspace and I love the idea exchange that the blog provides- I've learned a lot from the comments!

Personal Growth Success- The Power of Curiosity and Seeing the World with New Eyes

I got a new puppy today! Here he is:

His name is Casey and he's a brother to my other dog, Maggie.

As a huge animal lover, I'm always looking for personal development lessons to be learned from animals. I believe we can learn about business success and the art of happiness anywhere, and I often choose animals.

In observing Casey today I was struck by the immense curiosity he showed. He's looking at the world with fresh eyes and everything is new and exciting.

I was thinking about how great it would be to have that ability. I often feel that I get so wrapped up in my books and other projects that I can't look at them with fresh eyes. One way that I've found to get around this is by taking a break. I've been working on a book proposal for 2 years now and I recently took a 3 month break from it. When I went back to it I was able to look at it with fresh eyes.

Another way I've found works is to change my physical surroundings every so often. We're greatly influenced by our physical environment.

When I was in grad school taking a class on treating substance abuse disorders (which I do not do now, but it was interesting to learn about), I remember learning that heroin overdoses most often occur when the user is in an unfamiliar environment. The actual amount of heroin taken may be much less than what the user had taken prior, but being in a different physical setting makes the body react differently. This is a negative example but it shows the biological and psychological power that our surroundings have on us, and we can use this to our benefit.

The other great reminder I've found today in my puppy Casey is the power of curiosity. The more curious we are, the more we are lifelong learners and the more we grow. If we cultivate one thing in ourselves, I think curiosity is the thing to focus on.

There's a song quote (by The Grateful Dead) that I love: "Once in a while you can get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right."

Try looking at your world with fresh, curious eyes.

What do you see?

You might just get shown the light.

Cheers,

Larina Kase

P.S. There are a couple more puppy photos under the Canine Assistants album to the left :)

Great Marriage Advice I've Recently Read

I've recently read to fabulous books on marriage and relationships, and if you're a reader like I am, I thought you'd like to know about them.

The first is: You Don't Have to Change Who You Are to Have a Great Marriage by Dr. Max Vogt. This is not your ordinary marriage book. Vogt explains a simple and powerful concept- that much of the way you experience your marriage is based on how you view it. And a great marriage isn't necessarily about changing yourself or your spouse as you may think.

If you've heard about, seen, or read The Secret recently, you'll find some similar ideas in here, but much more. Vogt says that many of the couples who come in to see him for therapy end up doing just one session. Powerful stuff!

The other book that's madea  profound difference for me and now all my clients is The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. You've probably realized that everyone has different ways of expressing their love and needs for how they want love to be expressed to them. Chapman has identified 5 primary languages:

1. Verbal appreciation
2. Physical touch
3. Quality Time
4. Gifts
5. Acts of Service (doing helpful things for the one you love)

Which language is most important to you? How do you know?

Which language is most important to your significant other?

The key is not to speak the same language but to speak to each other in the language you each hear most clearly. It's interesting because someone could for example, bring his wife gifs every day, but if her language is quality time and he doesn't spend time with her, she won't feel loved.

I suspect and am starting to explore languages of appreciation that occur in the workplace (verbal, financial, helping acts, etc). I'll keep you posted on what I find out.

Thanks for reading!

Larina

Did You Learn About the Secret on Oprah Today?

I always love watching Oprah, but I don't always have The Oprah Winfrey Show scheduled into my calendar for 4pm (as much as I'd love to, it is in the middle of the work day). Today was different. I had Oprah booked from 4-5pm!

Why?

Because Oprah had several of the teachers from the film The Secret on, including creator Rhonda Byrne, Rev. Dr. Michael Beckwith, James Arthur Ray, Lisa Nichols and Jack Canfield. My friend and coauthor Joe Vitale is in The Secret but wasn't on Oprah this time, which is great because I look forward to seeing him on Oprah soon to discuss his incredible new book Zero Limits.

So what is The Secret?

Best is for you to watch it yourself (go to secret.tv), but essentially it is about The Law of Attraction. You attract more of what you focus on into your life.

It's a very powerful concept and one that I discovered several years ago as a therapist. I noticed how my patients didn't seem to improve when we spent our sessions focusing solely on their problems. But when we started focusing on what they want in life, great things happened.

This process has fueled my approach to coaching, and to my own goals and aspirations. We need to be clear on what we want, ask for it, believe that we will achieve it, and be open to success when it arrives.

Here are a few sayings that summarize the Law of Attraction approach:

"What you focus on expands."

"Your energy flows where your attention goes."

"Your job is to decide, the universe's job is to provide."

"The thing you believe is the very thing you will become." (that one's by yours truly)

On Oprah today, Secret teacher James Ray discussed how important it is to add action to the mix. It's like one of my favorite Japenese proverbs:

Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.

If you don't have my special report: 50 Ways to Put Positive Psychology and The Law of Attraction Into Action, you can get it here.

If you use the Law of Attraction in your life (or plan to) leave a comment and tell me about it!

Cheers,

Larina