Mindset of Success: The Science of Personal Leadership Development

Enhance Your Charisma Quotient: How to Make Yourself a People and Opportunity Magnet

You know those people who seem to instantly grab attention and draw others to them, almost like a magnet? It’s as though things come easily for them and people go out of their way to help them out. They attract work opportunities, friends, dates, and more.

We all want to be like that, but wonder if we can.

Are those people just born with this magnetic quality? Is it their personality? Their looks? Their intelligence? Or is it something that can be learned?

Charisma Myths

Unfortunately there are many myths about what makes people charismatic. These misconceptions hold many of us back from feeling that we are charismatic and therefore, projecting it to others.

In reality, it is not just the rich and famous who are charismatic. It is not just the natural super-model types or star students who graduate in the top of their classes. Anyone can be charismatic and become a magnet for all they want. Yes, you can too!

The biggest myth is that charisma is about how you act—that you must be extroverted and a natural leader to have personal magnetism. This is not true. In reality, true charisma comes from inside and radiates out, drawing others to you, and making you more influential and persuasive.

The Makings of Charisma

Charisma and personal magnetism are what draw others to you, make people interested in what you have to say, and help you to be a confident leader in all you do. The most important aspect is how you make other people feel. This is why the key components of charisma and personal magnetism include:

Empathy

Empathy is your ability to see situations and feelings from another person’s perspective. When you convey empathy to others, you show them that you understand, or seek to understand, their position. People feel that have truly heard them and that you care about them. True empathy cannot be faked. People see right through this and it is worse to feign empathy than to express none at all. Some of us are naturally higher on empathy than others, but anyone can learn to be more empathic.

Curiosity

Curiosity feeds into empathy because when you are really interested in and curious about someone, it is easy to express empathy. Charisma people are inquisitive about a variety of topics, not just what they are interested in, but also what others are interested in. They love learning and ask compelling questions.

Focus

Charismatic people maintain an intense level of focus on the person with whom they are speaking. When you talk to a charismatic person, you feel important, as though no one else exists in the room. This attracts you to the charismatic person and makes you feel good about yourself when you’re around them.

Presence

Your presence includes your poise, or ability to gracefully handle setbacks and your appearance. You do not need to be classically “good looking,” instead, you present yourself well and in a way that is appropriate to the situation and the image you want to project. The most important aspect of your appearance is your body language. Charismatic people have great posture, make eye contact, smile, and gesture naturally.

Do you have what it takes? Of course you do. Work on developing these skills and you may surprise yourself with just how charismatic others find you.

Impression Management 101: How to Get Ahead By Creating the Image that You Want

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “perception is everything.” It is true.

 

But you are not a helpless victim to others’ perceptions. You can influence them.

 

The first step is to think about what impression you want to convey. Do you want to be seen as:

 

• Professional
• Funny
• Poised
• Calm
• Energetic
• Helpful
• Confident
• Powerful
• Intelligent
• Strategic
• Or any other adjective you want 

The second step, and this is the tough one, is to be that very thing. Conveying the impression you want is not about acting or being something that you aren’t. It’s about being how you want to be perceived.

 

Ask yourself these questions:

 

1. What am I already doing that shows that I am this way?

 

2. What is one thing that I can do every day to build this characteristic? (For example, to be more confident, do something difficult every day. To be more calm, begin yoga and daily relaxation. To be more strategic, list out your future goals and plan ways to make them happen.

 

3. Have others told me that I possess this quality?

 

The third step is to look for opportunities to convey the impression that you want. Let’s say that your goal is to be seen as poised. Normally, when you encountered a stressful situation you’d think, “Augh, why does this kind-of thing always happen to me?!”

 

Instead you’ll think, “This is the perfect opportunity for me to work on coming across as I want: poised.” Take your time and focus your energy on handling the situation in the way that you need to.

 

The fourth step is to gather feedback from others. Review your performance evaluations. Ask friends and family members to select the top adjectives that describe you. Request specific feedback from your boss. Ask your clients what they found helpful in working with you (this will indirectly tell you about the impression you give).

 

Finally, as you’re practicing these skills, do not be overly focused on yourself. What you don’t want to do is to create a stressful situation in which you’re always monitoring yourself or putting on an act.

 

This is why step 2 is so important. It’s like getting in shape - if you want to come across as toned, you work your muscles. No one sees those muscles, but appearing toned must come from the inside.

 

Enjoy taking charge of how others see you and don’t be afraid to refine your image regularly as you evolve and grow.

 

Who's Truly Charismatic?

Here is an interesting story on charisma in the Pittsburgh Tribune, written very well by Regis Behe, that I contributed to.

What do you think?

Is it just the rich and famous who are truly charismatic?

I'm not sure I agree with the final quote by Brigden, although I'm sure she found that to be true based on her experience, because recent research (Self-Esteem and Extrinsic Career Success: Test of a Dynamic Model; Applied Psychology: An International Review, 2008, (2), 204–224) indicates shows that confidence leads to career success but not vice versa. Approval from others and moving up in one's career has interestingly not been linked with increased self-confidence and self-esteem.

I can see that people carry themselves differently and appear more confident with approval from others, but there is a difference between appearing confident and feeling confident. Self-esteem (what was measured in the study) is actually slightly different from confidence. It is possible to feel confident in a specific area and lack self-esteem (or a sense of your abilities and worthiness) in generaI.

Anyway, here's the article. Let me know your thoughts...

Have a great week,

Larina Kase

10 Quick Ways to Boost Your Charisma and Personal Magnetism

Charisma and personal magnetism are what draw others to you, make people interested in what you have to say, and help you to be a confident leader in all you do.  Unfortunately, there are many myths about what makes people charismatic. These misconceptions hold many of us back from feeling that we are charismatic (and therefore, projecting it to others).

The biggest myth is that charisma is about how you act—that you must be extroverted and a natural leader to have personal magnetism. This is not true. In reality, true charisma comes from inside and radiates out, drawing others to you, and making you more influential and persuasive.

No matter what your goal in life—from selling more to having your kids listen to your rules to commanding an audience when presenting—personal magnetism will help you get there.

Here are 10 quick ways to make yourself more compelling and charismatic:

1.      Be self-aware. We must first be aware of ourselves before we can control how we feel or the perception of others. Enhance your self-awareness by paying attention to how you think and feel in various situations. Recognize the thoughts that go through your mind and your reactions. Also be aware of your actions including your body language.

2.     Move to Boost Your Mood. A cheerful mood is contagious and one of the most powerful ways to increase your personal magnetism. The most reliable and fastest way to boost your mood is through exercise. Moderate exercise releases endorphins and other mood-enhancing neurotransmitters and neuromodulators. As a bonus, if you exercise outside, you get the benefits of being in nature and the cheer-inducing sunshine.

3.      Make it about others. Let’s face it, charisma isn’t really about us. It’s about how we make others feel. The best way to make others feel good is to be genuinely interested in learning about them. Ask questions. Get engaged in what others say.

4.      Show what you know. Knowledge is sexy. Don’t hold back on sharing your ideas. Have strong convictions. Show that you are a leader with a clear view of where you are going. Be clear on whether you’re expressing something as fact or as your opinion because you’ll lose credibility if you try to pass your opinions off as fact.

5.      Grooming isn’t just for dogs. Personal hygiene and grooming greatly impacts how you feel and how others see you. Dress your best. Invest in high quality fabrics and tailoring to be sure you convey the image you want and feel great. This sounds superficial, and it is, but that’s okay.

6.      Cultivate your empathy. Listening and conveying empathy boosts your personal magnetism. Empathy is actually one of the very most important aspects in how able you are to influence others. If people think that you don’t get them, they will resist your influence.

7.      Tell a great story. Nothing is more engaging than a wonderful story. Practice telling stories every chance you get—at meetings, at cocktail parties, with your significant other over dinner, to your children.

8.      Remember names. Everyone loves hearing their own name. Just don’t overdo it by saying their name in every sentence. Sales trainers often teach salespeople to say prospects and clients names. Then they say the names every sentence and it sounds very artificial.

9.      Practice gratitude. Being appreciative for what you have is a key to happiness and a cheerful disposition, both of which make you more attractive to others.

10.  Cultivate your humor. Everyone loves people who make them laugh. Learn your personal style for using humor and use it regularly. One way to learn humor is through observation—pay attention to funny people you know and on television.

Practice these ten tips and watch how much more quickly and easily you attract great people, opportunities, and success.

How charismatic are you? Take this charisma quotient quiz find out.