Mindset of Success: The Science of Personal Leadership Development

Lessons From A Cell Phone Free 4 Months

Last fall I got a fabulous cell phone that I used for everything. I checked my email and Twitter updates while in line at the grocery store. I scheduled all of my appointments with it. I basically depended on it for everything. After only a few months with my new phone it died. It was my fault (my baby used it as a teether) so it was not covered by any warranties.

I made a crazy decision: Go without a phone. I had no idea what would come of it but I believe in the importance of challenging ourselves and figured it would be a good way to practice what I preach. At a minimum it could help me with breaking a bad habit, and at the maximum, who knew?

I wasn’t sure if I could do it, and it’s been tough. Very tough. But it’s taught me some valuable lessons. No pain, no gain, eh?

First, I learned how to be more present. With the phone I was tempted to constantly multitask and do a million things. Without the phone I reconnected with what it’s like to just be and not do.

Sometimes we live like human doings rather than human beings. When we’re mindful and fully present in what we do, we may do less but we experience so much more. There’s a reason it’s called mind-FULL-ness, we are more filled with what’s important and more fulfilled. It’s the difference between eating candy for lunch and eating a healthy balanced meal.

Second, I better focused on my son. All of those moments of “I’ll just check one thing,” can add up. I worried that my son would come to think that he came second and receive only divided attention. Now, when I work I work and when I play I play.

Third, I connected with my intuition. You never know when your intuition will strike . Problem is, if it’s ready to strike while you’re doing other things, you won’t hear it. The best way to listen to intuition is to allow quite time and space. Whether you’re going for a walk or standing in a line, let your intuition go to work while you aren’t working.

Fourth, I was safer to myself and others. I use a headset while driving but the distraction of talking on the phone makes you less focused on driving. I took for granted that I can drive on autopilot with minimal effort, and that is true, but I’ve learned that I can drive much better and safer when I pay attention.

Fifth, I’ve developed my patience. I’m not naturally a patient person. I really need to work on it. Before I felt like I was constantly on the go and in a hurry. Now I’ve learned that I don’t have to do everything the second I want to, and I have a new general sense of calm and peace that others have picked up on.

Finally, I’ve learned that most things are not urgent. This goes along with the patience thing. We often feel like something is urgent when in reality it can wait.

Now that I’m getting my new cell phone, I’ve committed to making some changes. I do not have great will power so I must keep temptation at bay. I will not take it with me everywhere or have it nearby when it’s playtime with my son. I will keep it in the trunk of my car when I drive. And I will love having it with me when I do!

What challenge can you take on to learn important lessons? Is there anything that you’ve come to depend on? Or that keeps you away from being present and mindful in the moment? Can you challenge yourself to 4 months (or even 4 days) without it?

Do You Have Shiny Bright Object Syndrome? How to Get Focused and Finish What You Start (on Time)

A lesson that I’m constantly learning is how to edit.  I need to edit my writing, my business, and my life. The reason that I keep learning this lesson is that I have the bad habit of taking on too much. I have a lot of interest and it’s hard to let things go. Does this sound familiar?

 

A lot of entrepreneurs are like this. We have “Shiny bright object syndrome.” (My 6 month old is like this too!).  It’s one of the things that makes us excel. It keeps things fun and interesting. It can also be a problem because we get scattered, don’t finish things, and get too busy. We begin one marketing activity only to get sidetracked with another. We focus in on one target market only to switch to another.

 

In today’s article, adapted from my book The Confident Leader, I share some of the challenges and suggestions for change.

 

Many if not most of the entrepreneurs I work with have a bit of this “syndrome.” We think, “What’s this new and exciting thing?” (Then, 5 minutes later) “Oh- woah, what’s that new and exciting thing?!” This is you if you:

 

• Work with 10 windows open at once on your computer.
• Have 5 books that you’ve begun but haven’t finished.
• Get a rush from starting something new.
• Have diverse interests and hate to be locked in to one thing.
• Are extremely busy but often unaware of what you complete.
• Are easily bored and often looking for something that will interest you.
• Have been described as “well-rounded,” “A renaissance-type,” or “ADD.”

 

In fact, there is a personality trait called “Sensation Seeking,” which many entrepreneurs possess. It’s one of the more genetic personality traits and it entails enjoying novelty and dislike routine.

 

In a great book called Refuse to Choose, author Barbara Sher creates a profile of what she calls “Scanners.” A Scanner is someone who meets the above criteria and who has difficulty limiting themselves to one field. The difficulty is that Scanners believe they need to limit themselves, so they continuously feel disappointed in themselves and that they are letting down others.

 

This is why Scanners frequently experience discomfort. Instead Sher recommends embracing your Scanner ways. Carry a notebook like DaVinci used to have to write down all your brilliant brainstorms and all-over-the-place thoughts.

 

Sher recommends backward planning. Start with your end goal and write it in a circle on the right of a horizontal piece of paper. Then ask yourself, “Could I achieve that goal right now? If not, what would I need?” then write that in a circle to the left and ask yourself the same question. Keep doing this until you get to an action that you can do right now and then circle it and say “Now!”  

 

Action Steps

These action steps are based on the 6 step GROWTH model in my book The Confident Leader:

 

• Step 1: Get Your Vision and Intention — Picture how you’ll feel when you’re done. It can be exciting to start new things, but instead envision the wonderful feeling you’ll have when you get something done and check it off your list.
• Step 2: Realize Your Commitment — Are you really ready? Maybe you’re beginning many different things because you aren’t ready to commit to the one. Figure out which one is the most important or easiest and commit to that one.
• Step 3: Organize Your Team — Get accountable. Ask your colleagues and set up joint venture partnerships to hold you accountable for doing what you say you’re going to do when you say you’re going to do it. This accountability will help you form new habits.
• Step 4: Win with the Right Decisions – Decide what not to do. Saying no to those things that do not fit within our strategic plan is the key to focus and productivity.
• Step 5: Turn Anxiety into Optimal Energy — Overcome your fears. Write down what you’re concerned will happen if you keep focused on one (or two or three) things and let others go.
• Step 6:— Harness Your Strengths and Release Control – Engage your strengths in every task. When faced with something you don’t feel like doing, challenge yourself to use your strengths to make it successful.

Overcome Procrastination and Reduce Mental Stress: How to Use Attention and Memory to Get Things Off Your Mental 'To Do' List

You know that feeling when you can’t get anything done even though you’re trying your best? Chances are, it’s because you have too much on your mind.

 

You’re not intentionally procrastinating, in fact, you may be accomplishing some things, just not the right things. You feel scattered.

 

The primary cause of mental stress is that we constantly have a running list of all the things that we need to do in our minds. These things weigh on us and we worry about them. We worry that we’ll forget them and we wonder when we’ll get to them.

 

Unfortunately we remember these things at the most inopportune times when we can’t or shouldn’t act on them. So we continue to be stressed out by them.

 

Overcoming Procrastination: First, Understand How Memory Works

 

When we pay attention to a piece of information, it enters our short-term memory. Typically we can only hold 5-9 pieces of simple information in our short-term memory. If this information is not acted on or encoded it goes away.

 

To keep information available we need to get it into working memory. Working memory is like a vehicle that transports information from short-term into long-term memory. Working memory will transport something that fits into an existing memory.

 

Our minds are like filing cabinets, so if there is already a file for a new piece of information, working memory can deposit it there. Working memory also transports information that is rehearsed or manipulated. Let’s say that you want to remember someone’s name who you meet at a networking event. If I think, “His name was John and he’s wearing a blue shirt- that reminds me of my husband John who has blue eyes,” I’ll likely remember his name because I engaged working memory.

 

Retrieving Info from Long Term Memory

 

Once you get information into long-term memory, you’ve made progress, but then you have to get it out.

 

Working memory files information into long-term memory. These files are not easily accessed—we often need reminders. And it’s easier and more efficient to recognize something that to try to recall it from scratch.

 

There are two important lessons to learn from the way that our memories work. First, we can’t expect to recall something when we need to. We may not have even gotten that piece of information into long-term memory and even if we did, it can be tough to recall it.

 

Second, getting ourselves to take action works similarly to how memory works. Just as we can only remember so much, we can only do so much, and we can’t rely on ourselves to remember what we need to do when we need to do it.

 

The Key to Stress Reduction

 

We need to have a system for organizing material as it comes at us, and this system can’t be in our heads. Similarly, we need to have a system for taking action so that we regularly do so. It can be as simple as filing thoughts into easily accessible documents on your computer and setting up a series of reminders for action in Outlook.

The Key to Starting a Healthy Habit (or Breaking an Unhealthy Habit): Accountability

One of the simplest yet most difficult things to do is to break a bad habit or begin a new healthy habit. We know what we need to do, yet, we often don't.

We think that we "should" be able to just do it. We think it's about willpower and get into a battle of wills with ourselves. In fact, we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be.

Now that it's March, most people have fallen off with their New Year's Resolutions. We neglected to put the systems in place to help us follow through over the long term.

One of the easiest and most powerful systems to help you begin a healthier habit is to set up accountability.

I attend a weekly yoga class on Saturday mornings. It is not the easiest time of week to get myself out of the house and over to the yoga studio. So, I made an effort to make friends in the class and get to know the instructor. Each Saturday morning I remember how they said to me, "See you next Saturday," at the end of the last week's class, and this helps me get myself there.

What habit are you trying to make or break?

Who can you set a system of accountability with so you can provide eachother encouragement and hold eachother to your commitment?

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Here's an article in Entrepreneur Magazine that I contributed to on how business owners can create healthy habits.