When To Address Problems and When To Let Them Slide

Conflict Management:
Deciding What to Address and What to Let Go

Do you avoid conflict and tense conversations? If so, you are not alone. Many people feel uncomfortable with conflict and stay away from it. After all, it’s human nature to take the path of least resistance. It’s always easier to do nothing than something, especially if the something is stressful.

Some people take the opposite approach—it makes them uncomfortable to let little things go. They’re perfectionists and have a hard time seeing how some issues are not critical, and how part of being a strategic leader is to let things go.

Which do you do?

The Covered Pot Syndrome

Keeping our frustrations to ourselves can create a covered pot syndrome: Your feelings are like boiling water in a covered pot, boiling over at the time we least want them to.

Our avoidance can let the conflict go to the point that it is much more difficult to manage. Pair that with your frustration (the boiling over) and you have a recipe for disaster.

As a confident leader in all your life roles (in your job or business, as a parent, as a sibling or neighbor, etc), the goal is to address situations that need to be addressed even if they are uncomfortable.

The Boy Who Cried Wolf Syndrome

At times it can be a smart strategy to let things go. If you address everything no one will take you seriously. They’ll think you’re a nitpicker and tune you out. As a leader, you need to show people that you can prioritize.

So, how do you decide when to address conflict and when to let it slide? Here are few things to consider:

1)    Frequency. Is it the first time someone has done something or is it part of an ongoing pattern?

2)    Severity. Is it a relatively minor issue that it makes sense to overlook or is it a top priority issue. Consider things like safety, impact on other projects, and impact on your credibility (your most important asset).

3)    Values. If something represents a major class with your personal value and ethical system, it often makes sense to address it or remove yourself from the situation.

4)    Other’s Needs. Something may not seem crucial to you, but it may to others. For example if your assistant is not getting something to a colleague that she needs to complete a project.

5)    Your Natural Tendency. If you tend to address everything, then look for opportunities to let things go. If you tend to avoid everything then look for opportunities to address conflicts.

Once you’ve determined whether or not to address something, there are some ways of doing so that can diffuse tension (yours and the other person’s). I’ll share these in another post.

Comments

[Mike Shippey]

This is a great list. Thanks for posting.

Dealing with problems can be so stressful if you don't have some sort of system in place allowing you to assess the specific situations.

Learning what you can and can't control is important, but having a list of things to consider seems to be a very organized and intelligent way of dealing with (or not dealing with) the conflict that arises in life.

Thanks again
MS

[Mark Edward Brown]

Hi Dr. Kase, I enjoyed the article on branding that you sent me but I could not locate a "branding" category here on your blog.

Thanks again - great content,

Mark Edward Brown
"The Marketing Professional"

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