As you know no matter what your professional goal, it’s crucial to be able to meet new people. Whether you’re trying to market yourself, share your ideas in meetings, expand your network, or build rapport and relationships, you need to excel at meeting new people.
This skill can be more difficult for people who are naturally introverted or shy. Shy people can be socially skilled but take longer to warm up and get comfortable or get overwhelmed when in groups or the center of attention.
Why are some people more confident than others—is it shyness?
Researcher Jennifer Beer recently conducted a study in which she filmed people meeting for the first time. She measured their shyness level and their mindsets, and their behaviors were coded by trained evaluators.
A fascinating result emerges
Those who had a fixed or stable mindset (they see their success as only due to their abilities) who were shy fared less well in meeting new people, appearing anxious and awkward, even after five minutes of interacting.
Those who had a growth mindset (seeing their success as a work in progress that improves with practice) were similarly uncomfortable during the first five minutes, but after that, they appeared more likeable and sociable.
Why did this happen?
The growth-minded people were able to see the situation as a challenge, whereas the fixed-minded people were focused on not making mistakes. They were more focused on themselves and how they were coming across, making them more insecure and self conscious.
What this means for you if you’re shy is three-fold:
1) By no means does being shy mean that you cannot be skilled in meeting new people.
2) Growth-mindset is important in becoming more confident. Look at the situation as an evolving challenge rather than a judgment of your worth as a person. Remember that a fixed mindset drains confidence over-time, whereas the growth mindset helps you build it.
3) If you are shy, you need to stay with the social situation long enough that you get more comfortable—in this study it was around 5 minutes. When you stick with it, you will soon show your natural likeability.
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