Raising a Confident Child

As a new mother, I've become especially interested in applying my confidence research to raising children. I recently wrote a post on Becoming a Human Being (Rather Than Human Doing) and have been thinking about how this applies to raising children...

As parents when we give our kids positive reinforcement (primarily) for what they do (achieve), we risk undermining their confidence.

Children can learn that we appreciate them for what they accomplish. They can become fearful that they would lose our admiration, love, and respect if they don't achieve highly. This can lead to anxiety about school, sports, and all kinds of things.

Also, if we book our kids' schedules and don't allow free time to just "be" we risk teaching them to constantly do, do, do. I met with a family yesterday and the 12-year-old boy was afraid of being bored. His mom astutely pointed out that it is good for him to have time to just "be" and see where it takes him, and he agreed to try it.

So, praising our kids for being (who they are) rather than doing can protect them from becoming anxious and help them develop confidence in themselves and their ability to just be.

Comments

[Mike Shippey]

This is a great post! I believe that because children are mostly praised for their accomplishmnents, it creates anxiety and apprehension in their adult life when they set out to take on tasks they are not sure they can be "the best" at.
My wife and I are doing all we can to raise our two little people with plenty of support for just being who they are.

[Larina Kase]

Absolutely- thanks Mike. And happy to hear about how you're putting this into practice.

[Stacey Johnson]

Our family focuses on the effort not the result. When the result is a positive one we acknowledge it and ask the children for feedback on how they feel but we really strive to reward taking risks (doing what may be outside their comfort zone) and just giving their best effort in whatever they do.