Mindset of Success: The Science of Personal Leadership Development

New Lessons on Being Present in the Moment

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post about Becoming a Human Being (rather than a Human Doing). This is something that I always struggle with because I tend to do a lot of things at once and think about what's happening next.

One week ago, my husband and I experienced the incredible joy of welcoming our first child.

One piece of advice (I'm sure you can relate to this if you're a parent) that we heard many times was to enjoy each moment because it goes so fast. Many of my friends, clients, and colleagues said that they couldn't believe that their kids are already in middle school, high school, or college.

While it's great that I'm already excited for his first smile, word, and step, it's also important that I am present in each moment, noticing and enjoying the little things.

I'm going to reread a great book on this topic, called Living Like You Mean it, written by a colleague of mine, Dr. Ron Frederick, and I'm going to enjoy each moment with the baby. Each moment is clouded with a sleep-deprived fog, but I'll work to appreciate even that feeling (remind me of this at 4am!) because there's always something that makes it hard to be present in or appreciate each moment.

In what part of your life could you benefit from being completely present? This is where all of your energy and attention is on one small thing.

Thanks for reading and for your well-wishes with the baby- I really appreciate all the kind messages I've received.

Larina Kase

P.S. I hope you'll understand that my postings will be less frequent over the next couple of months. My assistant Rhonda will be posting some articles on my behalf, and I will be responding to comments.

What are Panic Attacks? How Anxiety and Panic Attacks Develop

You’ve probably heard the term panic attack or used it yourself. Most likely, you’ve used it interchangeable with words such as anxiety or fear. In fact, these three things are different. They are all related.

 

Panic is a form of fear coupled with anxiety. Fear is the physiological adrenaline based response that occurs in the brain when faced with a serious threat or danger. This is the fight or flight response. For example, if you were faced with an armed robber, you would experience intense fear. You may freeze and not know what to do or you may try to run from the situation or fight off the robber.

 

Anxiety is different from fear. Fear is present focused. You are terrified in the moment. Anxiety, on the other hand, entails worrying about future disasters. Anxiety is often characterized by “what if?” thinking in which you become nervous about all the potential negative future consequences.

 

Panic entails both of these elements, fear and anxiety.

 

During a panic attack, your body experiences the adrenaline rush of fear. When someone is in a state of panic, they have heightened physical responses (heart rate and respiratory increases, sweating, chills, etc.) and their brain functioning shifts. Activity in the prefrontal cortex (responsible for strategic thinking and planning) decreases and instead the brain gets focused on what to do right now. This tunnel vision can create problems because it leads people to making snap decisions.

 

People who experience panic disorder also have anxiety because they worry about having future panic attacks. They therefore avoid situations that they think may trigger a panic attack.

 

When people are in a state of panic, it is hard for them to see that the situation may change. On the crunch days, they see ongoing doom and are depressed and fearful, and they overlook the possibilities of an upswing. On the up days, they are hopeful and elated, and overlook the possibility of a downturn. This is why it is like being on an emotional roller coaster.

 

The good news is that panic attacks are not dangerous. They are similar to a false alarm: your body believes that there is something dangerous and responds with fear. In reality, the danger is typically not a true threat. It may be an upsetting thought, a bodily sensation, or a situation. Treatment for panic attacks works very well, and is typically a form of cognitive behavioral therapy.

3 Fears Shared By Many Small Business Owners and the Responses that Backfire

Recent research that I share in The Confident Leader shows that when we become nervous, we often react by overcompensating. We try hard to handle the fear but our responses backfire. Despite our best intentions, we shoot ourselves in the foot.

Business owners are no exception. There are many things that we fear in terms of getting out there and marketing our businesses. Three of the most common ones include:

1.     Being seen as too small to compete with the big dogs.

2.     Making phone calls including sales calls.

3.     Limiting our market of who we can serve.

 With fear # 1 (Being seen as too small to compete with the big dogs) the common type of overcompensating behavior is to try to look larger than we are. We make our website and all of our marketing materials about the company and leave ourselves out of it.

The problem? Consumers trust individuals not companies. We lose the power of branding ourselves and creating a sense of a person behind the business. We lose our ability to tell personal stories and build relationships.

Fear #2 (Making phone calls including sales calls) is very common. There are many types of overcompensating behaviors. We may avoid making calls all together. We may script them out and rehearse them so much that we end up sounding like robotic telemarketers rather than people who the person on the other end of the line can actually connect to.

Many actions are right on the fine line of smart business move versus overcompensating. For example, delegating sales calls to trained sales professionals can be a very smart business move. On the other hand, taking yourself completely out of the equation can be a mistake. Think carefully about your business, products and services, and target market to decide what and when to delegate sales calls.

Fear #3 (Limiting our market of who we can serve) stems from the concern that we would have to turn away good business if we limit our market. So we try to serve everyone and end up having no niche market and connecting with no one.

Business owners react to this fear by keeping their marketing and sales copy too broad. Prospective clients and customers don’t feel that the message really speaks to them and they decide not to take action. Remember that you can always expand your target market once you’re established. It’s better to start narrow and go broad than to start too broad and not take your business off the ground. 

Whatever your business fear or challenge, work on confronting it without overcompensating, and you are sure to find the best rewards. 

 

Thrive as an Independent Consultant: How to Conduct a Self Assessment and Evaluate Business Opportunities

As an independent consultant you are constantly faced with new business opportunities and the need to quickly decide which ones to pursue. A novice consulting business owner will say yes to everything, afraid that new business may not be around the corner. This is not a strategic or smart way to run a business.

 

Instead, the first step that an independent consultants needs to take is to conduct a self-inventory. This is an honest analysis of what they are doing that’s helping and what they are doing that’s hurting. When you conduct a self assessment, you become aware of your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats, which helps you improve your consultancy skills and your business positioning.

 

 The self assessment should include an important question:

 

What do I avoid doing because it makes me uncomfortable, but I know that doing it could make me a more exceptional consultant or bring in new business?

 

The answers to this question will illuminate the top things that you are doing that inadvertently hold you back. It is possible that you are avoiding saying no to new opportunities and that you are taking on projects that are not in line with your strategic objectives. Or perhaps you’re avoiding confrontations with difficult clients.

 

As you evaluate your strengths and weaknesses, remember that successful business owners do not possess every skill needed in an ideal world. Rather, they are aware of their shortcomings and find ways to address them by getting training or hiring or partnering with others.

 

In essence, your self inventory addresses two issues:

 

1)     Your consultancy skills: How excellent are you at your craft? What results do you get for clients? How can you continuously improve your skills (conferences, trainings, peer consultation, hiring a mentor, reading, etc.)?

 

2)     Business development skills: As a business owner, you cannot just be an excellent technician, or you will have no business. You also must be great at growing and managing the business.

 

Write down your strengths and weaknesses in marketing, operations and management, and finances. For every strength, create a plan to leverage your strength. For every weakness, create a plan to address it, such as hiring a book-keeper and marketing team. Then, follow the business opportunities that allow you to utilize your strengths.

The Key to Starting a Healthy Habit (or Breaking an Unhealthy Habit): Accountability

One of the simplest yet most difficult things to do is to break a bad habit or begin a new healthy habit. We know what we need to do, yet, we often don't.

We think that we "should" be able to just do it. We think it's about willpower and get into a battle of wills with ourselves. In fact, we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be.

Now that it's March, most people have fallen off with their New Year's Resolutions. We neglected to put the systems in place to help us follow through over the long term.

One of the easiest and most powerful systems to help you begin a healthier habit is to set up accountability.

I attend a weekly yoga class on Saturday mornings. It is not the easiest time of week to get myself out of the house and over to the yoga studio. So, I made an effort to make friends in the class and get to know the instructor. Each Saturday morning I remember how they said to me, "See you next Saturday," at the end of the last week's class, and this helps me get myself there.

What habit are you trying to make or break?

Who can you set a system of accountability with so you can provide eachother encouragement and hold eachother to your commitment?

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Here's an article in Entrepreneur Magazine that I contributed to on how business owners can create healthy habits.

 

Impression Management 101: How to Get Ahead By Creating the Image that You Want

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “perception is everything.” It is true.

 

But you are not a helpless victim to others’ perceptions. You can influence them.

 

The first step is to think about what impression you want to convey. Do you want to be seen as:

 

• Professional
• Funny
• Poised
• Calm
• Energetic
• Helpful
• Confident
• Powerful
• Intelligent
• Strategic
• Or any other adjective you want 

The second step, and this is the tough one, is to be that very thing. Conveying the impression you want is not about acting or being something that you aren’t. It’s about being how you want to be perceived.

 

Ask yourself these questions:

 

1. What am I already doing that shows that I am this way?

 

2. What is one thing that I can do every day to build this characteristic? (For example, to be more confident, do something difficult every day. To be more calm, begin yoga and daily relaxation. To be more strategic, list out your future goals and plan ways to make them happen.

 

3. Have others told me that I possess this quality?

 

The third step is to look for opportunities to convey the impression that you want. Let’s say that your goal is to be seen as poised. Normally, when you encountered a stressful situation you’d think, “Augh, why does this kind-of thing always happen to me?!”

 

Instead you’ll think, “This is the perfect opportunity for me to work on coming across as I want: poised.” Take your time and focus your energy on handling the situation in the way that you need to.

 

The fourth step is to gather feedback from others. Review your performance evaluations. Ask friends and family members to select the top adjectives that describe you. Request specific feedback from your boss. Ask your clients what they found helpful in working with you (this will indirectly tell you about the impression you give).

 

Finally, as you’re practicing these skills, do not be overly focused on yourself. What you don’t want to do is to create a stressful situation in which you’re always monitoring yourself or putting on an act.

 

This is why step 2 is so important. It’s like getting in shape - if you want to come across as toned, you work your muscles. No one sees those muscles, but appearing toned must come from the inside.

 

Enjoy taking charge of how others see you and don’t be afraid to refine your image regularly as you evolve and grow.