Motivating Children: 3 Ways to Build Children’s Self Esteem and Self Motivation and Have a Confident Child

There is much debate about whether we can actually motivate others to thrive. Can we really motivate our employees? Is it possible to positively influence coworkers? Can we help others to build confidence in themselves? Can we instill self-motivation in our children?

There is not a clear-cut answer to these questions, but the majority of research points to the answer: Yes!

As a parent, you can certainly help your children to develop self motivation and confidence in themselves. When children are young, they learn habits that last a lifetime based on what is rewarding to them. As a parent, you can make a positive difference for your child and reduce his or her struggles later in school and life when demands become more challenging.

Key #1: Recognize Efforts

The key to motivating children to succeed is to recognize their effort and the process they put in to studying, athletics, and so on. Recognizing the results of children’s efforts is commonplace but it is risky because it can develop a shaky type of confidence. If you only reward results (An A on a paper, winning the soccer game, producing a skillful drawing), kids think, “What if I don’t do great next time, will they still be proud of me?” This actually makes them more nervous than confident. It can contribute to perfectionism or the need to do things just right. If anxiety runs in the family or your child appears to have signs of anxiety, you want to be especially careful not to focus too much on end results.

Confident kids result when parents focus on and reward the process rather than the destination. Kids then think, “Hey, I can figure this out,” and underlying this thought is the feeling, “And even if I don’t, it’s okay.” This takes off the pressure to excel, freeing them to explore and play, and making success even more likely.

Key #2: Allow Natural Rewards

Many parents believe that the best way to reward their children is to give them their favorite toy, food, or money. For example, paying children for grades is common. This can be a problem because of the focus on the outcome discussed above.

Additionally, research has shown that adding external reinforcement reduces intrinsic motivation to learn. Intrinsic motivation is our innate or inborn drive to do our best. This means that children naturally feel rewarded with a sense of mastery when they accomplish challenging tasks. Tasks of moderate levels of challenge (an average of 4 out of 5 if 5 is the most difficult) have been shown to be the most naturally rewarding to kids.

If children are rewarded with external items (candy, money), their natural sense of accomplishment and motivation actually decrease. They become more reliant on external sources of reward and their self motivation is thwarted.

Key #3: Serve as a Powerful Role Model

Children (and adults) learn by observation. As a parent, you can model how you handle difficult situations, stress, and setbacks to keep yourself and your child motivated.

If your child sees you shirk away when the going gets tough, avoid experiencing anxiety or distress, or make excuses for why you will not take on challenges, he will learn to do the same. True self-motivation and self-confidence entail a belief that, “I can handle any situation, even if it’s a tough one.” When a child observes you model this attitude, she will internalize it and seek to do the same. She’ll approach challenges with confidence and conviction rather than avoid challenges them.

When you approach a challenge, let your child know that you are nervous but are going to do it anyway. Afterwards, discuss what you learned and how you benefited from it, even if it didn’t go the way you would have liked. Show that failures are just part of the process and that taking risks and learning from failures makes it worthwhile.

You can also share stories about how you similarly struggled with math or history when you were young. This shows your child that you understand that the situation they face is tough and that you’ve navigated difficult situations too.

Practice, Practice, Practice

These strategies may not come naturally to you. They may be different from how you were raised or feel odd to implement. You may have to catch yourself as you engage in your old habits. If you are a perfectionist, you’ll need to be especially careful. Stick with it because they will get easier as you go along. Using these tools with practice and consistency will help you build a strong relationship with your child and instill him or her with lifelong self-motivation and confidence.

 

Comments

[Jill]

great article! good thing I have been doing something right with my children, practicing what I say. I have found that this texting service I signed my children up for has helped them be positive on their own (helping with the inrinsic motivation). It basically sends them a text (that’s all they use!) every morning that gives them a positive outlook on life. Definitely a good way to start…besides a healthy breakfast. The company is Notes2Succeed if anyone was interested

[Everything Counts]

Chalking out a definite path is an absolute necessary to success. Setting up goals help us define this path. All that we now need is to honor these goals and do our best to achieve them. If we honor them by achieving them in definite time, they automatically lead us to success and as we all know nothing succeeds like success.

[gul siraj]

It's grate ethic's they showing up....
nice.

My question is.

Could you tell me please what kind of language deal with problematic Career?

[company logo design]

Well don't know whats going on but its not a Good way to do this. in my opinion we have to look again about this issue