If you're on the east coast you may have caught me on T.V last night. I was on Money Matters Today on CN8 (on the Comcast Network) talking about emotional spending. The host and executive producer Mary Caraccioli is a multi Emmy Award-winning TV journalist and she was incredibly warm and friendly, making the show a lot of fun!
Here are some of the topics we covered related to retail therapy:
Q: How are emotions linked with spending?
A: Emotions lead to spending for slightly different reasons:
When you’re stressed out or anxious you use spending as a way to calm down and self-sooth. Also when you’re stressed and anxious you don’t pay attention to what you’re doing because you’re wrapped up in your own thoughts so you overspend. With stress there’s a vicious cycle-- you get stressed so you spend but you create more stress because you spend
When you’re feeling depression you shop to improve your sense of hope in the present moment and the future. Depression is all about thinking the moment and future are dismal. When you order something online you have something to look forward to. When you buy a great new pair of shoes, you look forward to wearing them, thinking they’ll make you feel happier.
When you’re angry, you feel that something is unjust or unfair, so we attempt to right the wrong by treating ourselves. But two negatives don’t make a positive, so you’ll probably continue feeling angry or annoyed.
When you feel guilty, you spend to distract yourself or you buy presents for others to alleviate your guilt. If you feel bad about working too much, being short with someone, or anything else, you may shop to alleviate the guilt. You shop to yourself to others to avoid feeling bad.
When you feel lonely, you have an empty feeling so you try to fill yourself up with possession. The problem is that spending ultimately leaves you (and your bank account!) even more empty.
When you’re cheerful, you decide to shop to treat yourself or celebrate. Many people also spend money on others when they’ve just received good news.
Q: Why do people think emotional spending is okay?
A: People feel that spending is a more socially acceptable way to manage problems than say binge eating, getting into an argument with someone, or turning to drugs or alcohol. You think, “Hey, heading to Wal-Mart is better than heading to the bar!” Unfortunately overspending can wreck havoc on your self-esteem, mood, work performance, and relationships not to mention your bank account.
A: Emotional spending is normal to a certain degree but can become a problem when:
- You’re not facing or dealing with the underlying emotions, causing them to build over time and lead to problems.
- Your spending is causing financial problems such as taking out loans, running up credit card debt, not paying bills on time, etc.
- Your spending is causing relationship problems because the partner or family members of the spender feels totally out of control and disrespected.
- Despite obvious signs, you’re in denial that it’s a problem.
- Shopping is taking time away from other important activities.
- You buy things you don’t even need (think the 50th pair of shoes or 30th handbag) and you have many items in your closet with tags still on.
Q: Why do people spend despite the problems it creates?
A: People develop the habit of spending for emotional reasons because it is initially rewarding. In the short-term, our mood often improves when we spend. We learn to associate feeling better with spending. After the initial mood boost, the spending leads to negative outcomes, but the short-term is almost always more reinforcing than the long-term.
Q: What are the common thoughts that lead to emotional spending?
A: “I’ve had a rough day, I deserve a little treat.”
“I’ll just get one thing…just this one time…”
“I’ll feel better if I get some nice things.”
“I just got a bonus at work so I can afford to spend.”
Q: Do people believe the excuses they tell themselves which enable emotional spending?
A: In an emotional moment we lose our rational thinking. I like to say, “Reason goes away while emotions are at play.” In that moment we might really believe the excuses we tell ourselves. I recommend “urge surfing.” This means letting your urge (to spend) rise and fall without responding to it. After the urge has passed and you re-evaluate your initial excuse, you’ll see how untrue it is.
Q: What are the steps to overcoming emotional spending?
A: I have a four step solution:
#1 Recognize when you have an urge to spend. It’s best to catch yourself when the urge first strikes, but you can catch yourself after the credit card comes out.
#2 Ask yourself, “What am I thinking” or “How do I feel right now?” This will help you identify and address the emotions that are most likely to lead to spending.
#3 Choose an alternative action that is incompatible with shopping. If you’re shopping on line, turn off your computer and take your dog out for a walk or organize if it’s 11pm, get out a great book or magazine. If you’re in your car heading for the mall, drive over to a friend’s house or head to the gym for a quick workout (keep a gym bag in your trunk at all times).
#4 After you complete your alternative action, record your success. Keep a notebook in which you write the emotion and what you did to manage it (other than spend). Next time you have the urge to spend, take out your notebook and review your past successes to inspire you to put down the credit card and back away from the checkout button.
If you think about shopping or spending the point is to bring something new into your life—like beauty, companionship, relaxation, happiness. If you can figure out what that thing really is, then you can find the best way to get it, which might not even cost any money!
Thanks for reading!
Larina Kase
good
Posted by: edgeperception@aol.com | October 13, 2008 at 02:32 PM